Exploring Underconsumption

I am typing this with newly bare fingernails, and the clicks of my computer keys are less audible than usual. I peeled the gel off my nails yesterday and I feel naked.

But not “12 years old and getting pants-ed at soccer practice” naked. A few months ago this would’ve been the case if I was caught without a clean, neutral tone manicure.

As I type this, I feel the good kind of naked. Stripped down after a hot day at the beach or a sweaty workout. The equivalent of flinging the bra across the room. Free. Wild. Raw. Earlier, I was able to dig my fingers deep into the dough for a loaf of focaccia without worry of my nails, and the satisfaction rippled through my entire being.

So what led to this rebellion? To rip my nails off and disassociate from the put together, well manicured version of me that I aimed to be perceived as? To fling the bra so to speak. 

Lately, I have found myself in deep reflection of things. 
The amount of them in my home. 
The amount of dollars they take out of my bank account. 
The amount I am told that I need them. 
All. Of. The. Things.

Since I arrived back on island after a trip to Europe in June, I have really taken a fine tooth comb to my purchases, my wants and needs, and the feelings that go hand in hand with stuff. Unnecessary stuff and our emotions behind them.

By complete coincidence (or maybe not at all), I started noticing the current trend on TikTok of underconsumption. A trend – that directly challenges the influencer, consumer driven space – where people showcase the simplicity of their lives, the few items they choose to spend their money on, and how long they’ve had these items. The goal being not trendy, shiny and new, but tried and true, well-loved, and often thrifted or used.

It’s the opposite of aesthetic. And it is a breath of fresh air. 

Now, I love an aesthetic. And I don’t think that will ever change. But where do we draw the line? Not to quote Joey Tribiani, but we are so far past the line, we can’t even see the line. I fear we’ve aesthetic-ed too close to the sun. Myself included. 

So my current state is slowly floating back to planet earth with my sun-singed tail between my legs, in hopes to find a balance. A way to feel full from less. How can I get that hit of dopamine without hitting “buy now”? How can I find my way back to quality and not quantity? Because surely I haven’t always been in this Amazon-primal state.

I really don't feel like I'm in the position to give advice on how to master this lifestyle because frankly, I haven't. Me writing this is just me exploring it. But I can share some questions that I've been asking myself as I stand on the corner of Minimalist Lane lacing up my shoes:

Do I need or want this?

I put myself on a spending freeze after Europe and I got really strict with myself about needs and wants. It was alarming the things I previously would have convinced myself I needed a few months ago. Blake Lively’s new shampoo is not a need. Especially when I have two half empty bottles in the shower already. Yes, shampoo is a need when you’re out of it. I’m not out. So I’m using what I have. 

Why do I need or want this?

The question why, is usually the next step into going just a little deeper. When I was starting to question my relationship with alcohol, it was the same way. “Why do I want to have a drink right now?” The answers in both scenarios are often uncomfortable to look at:

Because I’m bored.
Because someone else/everyone else is doing it.
Because it will make me feel better.

New rule: If the desired purchase is only to check off one of the above, it’s probably not necessary.

Who told me I should need or want this?

In the beginning of exploring these thought processes, it’s almost always someone else. A friend? Family member? Coworker? Stranger on the internet? If it's anyone else besides you that made you decide that you need or want something, it's a no.

As you continue to ask yourself these questions, you get better at the game. If you find yourself answering this question with “me” that’s a good indication that you’re getting somewhere. Because even if it’s a bag you absolutely do not need, you’re still making progress connecting to yourself about your needs and wants, instead of someone else telling you what they are. This in itself is so major. You can have desires. You should have desires. Just make sure it's you who decided you actually want them. And it'll feel that much better when you decide it's worth getting.

What am I hoping this will do for me?

This is a big one. If it’s not an immediate result like, “I’m hoping the toothpaste will clean my teeth tonight,” then it’s probably a want. Another clear cut sign that it’s a want is if you’re hoping that said item will make you feel something. Which brings us to the eye opener...

How do I hope this will make me feel?

This is a question I often ask myself if I’m craving alcohol. It doesn’t happen often anymore, but it still comes up occasionally. I’ve found that if I’m craving a drink, it’s not actually the drink I’m craving, it’s a feeling. And I’ve noticed similar emotional connections to shopping and alcohol. By asking yourself, “how do I hope this thing I’m about to buy will make me feel?” you can pinpoint the feeling you're desiring, and then work toward finding an alternative action to achieving that feeling. 

While I don't have this all sorted out just yet, these questions have been a really helpful guide for me to dive a little deeper into the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are connected to consumerism.

I can promise you, I have not had my last manicure or Target run. But right now, I’m enjoying the exploration and expansion of self as I challenge the consumption habits I have settled into unknowingly. The emotional and mental stretching is eerily similar to when I began to question my relationship with alcohol, and it can be really uncomfortable at first. But discomfort is often a sign of progress and growth. The more I do these mental stretches, the more confident I feel. So onward I go with my bare fingernails. 

Would love to hear your thoughts on underconsumption and if this is something you've explored before!